In news that truly could only come out of Florida, a man covered in mud and completely naked caused chaos in Osteen this weekend, and yes, it’s as bizarre as it sounds.
The 31-year-old man, identified as Xaid Khan, was arrested in Florida on Saturday afternoon after allegedly vandalizing a company van, trespassing, and strolling around someone else’s property in his birthday suit. The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office responded to the call around 5 p.m., and what they found sounds more like a deleted scene from Naked and Afraid than your average small-town incident.
According to the report, the victim, Jared Gaver, told Deputy Arias that when he pulled up to the residence on South State Road 415, he immediately noticed something was wrong. His work van’s windows had been smashed, and the driver’s door was suspiciously hanging open. That’s alarming enough on its own, but things escalated quickly when a completely nude and mud-covered man casually strolled out of a nearby barn, per Fox 35 Orlando.
Naked Florida Man Says The Sun Told Him To Perform Criminal Act
And in true Florida fashion, the story only gets weirder from there. Once deputies detained Khan and read him his Miranda rights, he allegedly told them he had been “following the sun under instruction from a higher power.” He also admitted he might have damaged the van, but couldn’t exactly remember doing it.
Khan apparently had also knocked on the homeowner’s door, though he didn’t seem entirely sure why, and as for the missing clothes? Deputies found them strewn randomly across the property, like some kind of surrealist scavenger hunt.
When deputies searched the home, they discovered even more strange activity. The back patio door had been left open, a water hose was running, and the furniture had been oddly rearranged like someone had been mid-spa day… or summoning spirits. Either way, the scene painted a picture of pure confusion.
Khan was eventually arrested and charged with burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, trespassing, and indecent exposure, basically, the Florida trifecta. Before being booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail, he was taken to Fish Memorial Hospital to be treated for dehydration, because, of course, walking around naked and muddy under the Florida sun in June is probably not a sustainable plan.
The Internet Is Not Surprised
There’s no word yet on what kind of “higher power” Khan believed he was obeying, but the sheriff’s office seems pretty grounded in reality on this one. Let’s be honest, Florida is no stranger to wild, shirtless shenanigans, but this incident still manages to stand out.
“Disappointing. I thought this was going to be something weird. Just typical Florida Man,” one person said via Reddit.
“Sounds about right,” agreed another.
Whether it was heatstroke, a spiritual awakening gone wrong, or just an incredibly misguided outdoor adventure, Khan’s muddy misadventure will now live forever in the archives of the internet as yet another unforgettable episode in Florida Man history.
Emma Taylor 
Sofia Bassett 
