One California woman’s decision to stay home during a deeply painful moment has sparked a massive conversation about boundaries, grief, and empathy. Content creator Danni Johnson recently went viral after opening up about the backlash she received for skipping a child’s birthday party while struggling with infertility, and the internet had opinions.
Johnson, who has been documenting her infertility journey on TikTok, shared a raw video of herself crying in November. The on-screen text read, “Imagine getting mad at me cause I didn’t go to your kid’s 5th birthday,” followed by, “But this is me struggling with infertility.” The clip struck a nerve far beyond California, racking up over 2 million likes and thousands of comments, many of them sharply divided, per PEOPLE.
According to Johnson, the timing behind her absence wasn’t casual or inconsiderate; it was devastating. She explained that she had just gone through a failed embryo transfer that initially showed promise before ending in miscarriage. “I had a positive pregnancy test and then it resulted in a miscarriage,” she shared. Despite being conflicted about attending, she ultimately decided it was too emotionally overwhelming, especially after a previous party had left her in tears.
California Women Shares Heartbreaking Infertility Issues
Her husband, David, encouraged her to protect her peace. Still, even after sending a gift, the reaction she received stunned her. “In the end, we sent a gift but they were upset we didn’t show and I was grieving another pregnancy loss,” Johnson said. Feeling confused and hurt, she posted the video, wondering if anyone else could relate, expecting it to reach what she describes as the supportive infertility and IVF side of TikTok.
Instead, the response spiraled. While many people showed compassion, others were harsh. Johnson said she was labeled “selfish” and “self-absorbed,” and some comments cut particularly deep. Among them were remarks like “don’t be surprised when no one shows up for you” and even “you don’t deserve to have kids.” For a woman already questioning herself after years of infertility, the cruelty landed hard. “I have spent years wondering if I have done something to deserve this,” she admitted.
What shocked her most was where some of the criticism came from. Johnson revealed that many negative comments were from other women, including mothers and people who claimed they had experienced infertility themselves. The lack of empathy, she said, was jarring.
Still, Johnson continues to share her story from California, not for validation, but for connection. She explained that she and David spent years quietly suffering within their real-life community and that speaking out online felt like finally finding people who understood. “Sharing online feels like a way to finally speak to a group of people who can relate to my experiences that are so often kept hidden, misunderstood, and minimized,” she said.
So Heartbreaking
At the heart of it all is a message Johnson hopes other women hear: it’s okay to step back. It’s okay to miss events. And it’s okay to choose yourself. “The grief of infertility is a lot like an ocean wave,” she explained. “Sometimes it’s manageable, and other times it’s completely all consuming.”
“It’s a heartbreaking reminder of how much strength, hope, and resilience this process requires, and how often that part of the story goes unseen,” one person commented. “Unless you have struggled with infertility, you have no clue what it’s like and you need to be sensitive to women going through it,” said another.
As this California woman’s story continues to resonate, it’s become a reminder that not every absence is personal and sometimes, compassion matters more than attendance.
Dylan Cook 
Kenna Raye 
