Grief comes in waves, but sometimes it crashes in ways no one can prepare for. A California TikTok influencer, known to her followers as @knowitall.nicole, has been navigating life as both a widow and single mother after losing her husband, Matt, six months ago. His death, tied to his struggles with addiction, left behind not only unbearable grief but also unanswered questions.
Now, a new chapter in that pain has opened. Nicole recently received her late husband’s phone from the Los Angeles County sheriff’s department. What should have been a simple object suddenly became a heavy burden, holding memories and possible secrets that Nicole wasn’t sure she was ready to face.
The California widow revealed that police had held the phone during the investigation, though she didn’t share why it was needed. Sitting in her car after leaving the station, she admitted to her followers that she was torn.
Inside that phone were precious milestone moments her troubled husband had recorded. Moments she desperately wanted to recover. But she feared that mixed in with those memories could be painful evidence of his addiction, things that could reopen wounds she had been trying so hard to heal.
She acknowledged that anyone who has loved someone battling addiction would understand the fear: along with love often comes secrecy, lies, and behavior that can cut deep. To open the phone might bring closure. Or it could break her all over again.
Nicole has spoken about her grief being in a strange, disorienting place. She described Matt as a wonderful man who battled a disease, and she expressed gratitude that investigators treated him with compassion rather than judgment.
A Phone Full of Memories—and Unknowns
Her honesty has struck a chord. Followers flooded her comments with support, many sharing their own experiences with addiction and loss. Some urged her not to face the phone alone, suggesting she ask a close friend to filter through its contents so she wouldn’t risk fresh heartbreak.
Image Source: knowitall.nicole @TikTok
“When I got divorced, I went digging.. and the things I found I cannot unsee or unknow. Be very careful! If you want to remember him the way you knew him, do not look,” warns one follower.
“As a former ex to an addict. You go through the phone with the mindset knowing you might find something,” another cautions.
“I say don’t read the messages, you don’t want that in your head for life. Remember him as you do now,” adds another.
“I went through my husband’s phone after he passed. He was very sick from alcoholism. I’m still traumatized by the texts and messages I read. His mind was not right. It was painful to see,” warns one more.
The California story is full of all the feels. But it also highlights a painful truth. Addiction doesn’t just take lives. It leaves families carrying scars long after. For her, one phone represents both love and loss, joy and sorrow. And for anyone watching, it’s a reminder of how addiction’s reach stretches far beyond the addict themselves. Sometimes, the most dangerous ghosts are the ones left behind in the silence of a screen.
Sabrina Russell 
Joshua Dale 
