Divorce is never easy, but when it comes with lingering legal and medical questions, it can feel downright impossible. That’s exactly the situation a woman in Vermont is facing as she navigates life post-separation. In a recent Reddit post on r/legaladvice, her best friend – who describes herself as being more like a sister than just a friend – shared a heartbreaking dilemma: she wants to have her tubes tied or even a hysterectomy, but she’s been told she might need her estranged husband’s permission to move forward.
According to the Reddit post, the soon-to-be ex-husband had been controlling during their marriage, even using her “as an incubator” during the relationship. Now, approaching her 30s, she wants control over her reproductive choices. “If she doesn’t want/can’t have more kids, why should she have to have his permission to do what she wants with HER body?” the friend wrote. It’s a sentiment many can relate to, especially given the personal and physical nature of the decision.
The confusion stems from conflicting advice. Online research suggests Vermont law does not require spousal consent for sterilization procedures, but her lawyer reportedly told her otherwise. Reddit users have jumped into the discussion, noting that while bodily autonomy laws can vary from state to state, the idea that someone would need their estranged spouse’s approval to make permanent decisions about their own body is, frankly, outdated.
Vermont Woman Worries Her Estranged Husband Will Control Her Reproductive Health
The situation highlights a broader issue: medical and legal systems often lag behind social understanding of bodily autonomy. Vermont, known for its progressive stance on many rights, may seem like a state where personal choice should be clear-cut – and in theory, it is. But the fear of needing permission, especially amid the complexities of divorce, can make even well-established legal rights feel inaccessible.
“My best friend, more like my sister, is getting divorced. She was in a very abusive relationship, where she has one son with her soon to be ex husband. During their relationship, he essentially uses her as an incubator, among other things. She mentioned this morning that she wants to either have her tubes tied or have a hysterectomy.
As far as we know, there is still a law that she needs her soon to be ex’s permission to do so. Google says no, but her lawyer says yes. That doesn’t feel right, the post reads.
The Internet Had Plenty Of Advice
Beyond the legal side, this Vermont woman’s story is also about empowerment and reclaiming control after an abusive relationship. She’s not just thinking about preventing more children; she’s thinking about her health, her body, and her future. As her friend summed it up, “Infertility is a b–ch and it messes with your body.” Choosing to take proactive steps should be a personal decision, free from fear of legal hurdles or ex-spousal vetoes.
“Her lawyer should know better, quoting the statute shuts it down immediately. No husband permission needed, period,” one person commented on the Reddit thread. “She should absolutely shop for a new lawyer, because this one has made it clear they don’t have her best interests at heart,” another stated. “He doesn’t own her body…shes the one in control and he can’t do anything about it,” a third person stated. “The attorney’s opinion matters less than that of her OB and their lawyer’s advice. She needs to speak to the OBGYN, not her Family Law attorney,” a fourth comment read.
For anyone following this story, it’s a stark reminder: understanding your legal rights is crucial, especially when it comes to healthcare. In Vermont, women facing similar decisions may need to seek a second legal opinion or consult a reproductive health specialist to ensure their autonomy is respected. At the end of the day, this woman is taking a stand for control over her body – something that should never require anyone else’s permission.
Kendra Quinn 
Hunter Spears 
